dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
