Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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