oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
