did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
