You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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