Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
