feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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