wanna go halves on a baby?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
