Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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