the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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