I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
