yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
