We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
