I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
