What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
