i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
