She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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