i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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