i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
