At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
