Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
