6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
