At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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