You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
