I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
