Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
