if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
