My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
