thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
