Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
