I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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