last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
