Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
