i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
