She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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