I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
