I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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