apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
