Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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