hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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