All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
