Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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