it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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