You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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