Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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