I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
