So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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