i barfeds in our rink
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
