You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
