I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
