Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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