just come out here and I will go home with you...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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